As a parent, a common question that arises during the challenging period of caring for a sick child is whether to let them sleep with you or encourage them to stay in their own bed. It’s a dilemma that many parents face, especially when dealing with ailments like ear infections, high fevers, sore throats, or the dreaded stomach bug, particularly during the winter months/flu season.
In this post, I’ll explore the factors to consider and offer guidance on making the best decision for your child’s health and well-being when it comes to everyone getting some sleep when they’re sick.
First and Foremost – The Importance of Medical Advice:
Before entering into the discussion of where your sick child should sleep, it’s essential to emphasise the importance of seeking medical advice if necessary. Every child’s body is unique, and their symptoms may vary.
The good news is that most childhood illnesses are mild and can be treated at home with rest and over-the-counter medicines, but If you are ever concerned about your sick child or notice a sudden change in their health or demeanour when they are unwell, don’t hesitate to consult with a medical specialist in case their condition requires immediate medical attention. In the UK, the best thing to do is call 111.
Child Sleep and the Immune System:
One of the most significant factors in deciding where your sick child should sleep is the impact on their immune system. Quality sleep plays a vital role in bolstering a child’s immune system and aiding their recovery from illnesses. While the temptation to bring your child into your bed during the middle of the night is strong (or to get into their bed with them if the bed is big enough), it’s important to consider whether this is the best way to ensure they get enough sleep and, consequently, recover faster.
Maintaining Healthy Sleep Habits:
For many young children, staying in their own bed and sticking to a normal sleep routine is crucial for fostering good sleep hygiene. Introducing new habits, such as allowing a sick toddler to sleep with you, might disrupt their sleep patterns and make it harder for them to return to their normal routine once they’ve recovered.
Sleep Associations and the Sick Child:
Creating positive sleep associations is vital for a child’s sleep development. If a child associates sleep with being in their own bed, introducing the practice of sleeping with parents may lead to difficulties when trying to establish the normal routine again.
It’s important to weigh the short-term relief of having a sick child sleep with you against the potential long-term consequences of disrupting their sleep associations. You know your child best.
If you think that everyone is going to get better quality sleep if you sleep next to your child for a few nights, then you might decide it’s worth it, even if you have a bit of a struggle to get them sleep on their own again once they’re better.
Night Waking and Extra Sleep:
While it’s true that sick children may experience more night waking, providing them with extra sleep doesn’t necessarily mean letting them sleep with you. Instead, consider letting them take longer naps during the day to compensate for the disruptions in their night sleep.
This way, you can support their recovery without compromising their usual sleep patterns. If the sick child has dropped naps completely, they can always compensate for disrupted sleep at nighttime by resting quietly on the sofa with a blanket for part of the day.
Addressing Concerns: Ear Infections, Sore Throats, and Stomach Bugs
When dealing with specific ailments like ear infections, sore throats, or stomach bugs, it’s important to assess how these conditions might impact a child’s sleep. For instance, a child with a heavy cold and/or a cough may find it uncomfortable to lie down, while an ear infection or body aches are likely to cause persistent pain at nighttime.
In such cases, seeking the correct medication and pain relief from a pharmacist and adapting the sleeping arrangement to accommodate the child’s comfort is the best approach. That could mean elevating the head of their own cot/bed or allowing them to sleep in your bed with extra pillows to prop them up.
Children suffering from bad coughs and colds can have a hard time sleeping, and in my experience, they have a harder time even than when they have a vomiting bug (usually once they’ve been sick, they will go back to sleep quite easily).
Most young children will struggle to blow their nose on their own during the night (my son can competently do this himself now at the age of five) so you may have to sleep in with them (or have them sleep in with you) if they are suffering from a constantly runny nose.
Kids with nasal congestion (a blocked or stuffy nose) is also challenging when it comes to sleeping at nighttime, so you might want to try the following remedies as well as sleeping in with your child if you feel it’s necessary:
- Rub a menthol vapour rub such as Vicks or Snuffle Babe over their back and chest at bedtime
- Elevate their head using an extra pillow (or prop them up even more if they are particularly congested/coughing a lot)
- Use an electronic vapour plug-in (Vicks and Calpol both make ones. Remember to keep stocked up with refills)
- Keep a box of tissues and a small bin by their bed
If You’re Concerned, it’s Best to Sleep in With Your Child
Unfortunately, most parents will have the experience at some point of having to look after a really unwell child, and this will often include a high fever. If you find yourself lying in your own bed worrying about your sick child in the other room, it’s always best to sleep with them to keep an eye on them through the night. You could bring them into your bed, or get into their bed with them if the bed is large enough, or alternatively, you could make a temporary bed for yourself on their bedroom floor.
A Second Bed in Your Child’s Room is a Good Idea:
If space allows, it’s worth setting up a child’s room to include a second bed that can be made up for when they’re ill and need a parent sleeping in with them. A fold-up futon-style bed or a pull-out mattress that stays under the child’s own bed when not in use can work well (it doesn’t have to be a thick mattress as it’s only for occasion use). One of the great things about this arrangement is that the spare bed can be used if a friend sleeps over as well.
Many of my daughter’s friends (aged seven or eight) are now getting cabin-style beds with the bed on top and desk underneath, with a small sofa area that turns into a pull-out bed when needed. While parents might not want the safety issue of younger children sleeping on a top bunk like this, these kinds of beds can work well for older children.
My Personal Experience of in With Sick Kids:
Remember, there’s no harm in throwing normal habits and routines out the window when it comes to looking after a sick child. I don’t remember my parents ever sleeping in with me when I was unwell as a child, and I was certainly never invited to sleep in their bed! My husband and I put our kids into full-size single beds as soon as they outgrew their cots, and it was a fantastic decision.
It means that whenever they’ve been really unwell and struggling to sleep, I’ve been able to get into their beds with them and then sneak back out into my own room/bed once they’re settled. As someone who never really liked having babies and small children sleeping in the bed with me, being able to maintain this level of control over my own sleep when they’re ill has been essential.
While I will always get into bed with my kids if they’re struggling to sleep when they’re unwell (I’ve been known to sleep in the whole night with them), it would never have worked for us having them in our bed with us.
As I’m usually the one who gets into bed with our kids and cares for them when they’re sick, I’m usually the one who catches whatever illness it is from the kids compared to my husband who never seems to get ill with anything.
While I realise that getting in bed and so up close to them when they’re ill is increasing my chances of getting ill myself, this is just a part of parenting I have chosen to accept. In our house, we will do anything for everyone to get enough sleep, including breaking with normal routines and habits if need be.
Containing Germs and Germ Management
I have found that, while I caught virtually every illness from then when they were younger, now they are seven and five, I don’t pick up nearly as much from them. This is especially true with vomiting and I think it’s because I’m much better at managing the germs now.
I’ve worked out that by thoroughly disinfecting everything throughout periods of illness (particularly the sink, toilet and door handles in every room), it is often possible to avoid the rest of the family becoming infected.
I have a theory that I’ve developed over years of looking after sick kids, which is that the bacteria that causes vomiting bugs live on for days if not weeks in human poo. When a sick person uses the toilet, this is the most likely area that those germs will spread, even a long time after the symptoms of vomiting or diarrhoea have gone.
So my top tip when it comes to vomiting bugs (because let’s face it, they’re among the worst childhood illnesses that can rip through families!) is to keep disinfecting every bathroom surface like your life depends on it, for at least two to three weeks after the sick person’s symptoms have passed.
Conclusion
In the end, as usual, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of whether a sick child should sleep with you. Each child is unique, as is each child-parent relationship. Your decision will depend on various factors, including the child’s age, the severity of their symptoms, the child’s personality and their usual sleep habits.
The most important thing is to consider your child’s well-being, seek medical advice if you’re ever concerned, and make decisions that align with your family’s values and routines.
Whatever decision you make about whether to sleep with your toddler or young child when they’re unwell, see if you can maintain a balance that supports both your child’s recovery and their long-term sleep habits and health. However, if the child is really struggling, my advice would be to throw all the rules out of the window and just do whatever you need to in order to survive the period of illness.
Caring for a sick kiddo is hard work for parents. The only thing that matters during these times is achieving better sleep for everyone and getting the child well again as quickly as possible. Lack of sleep will only hinder this process, so do whatever you need to. Good sleep habits and routines can always be re-established afterwards if need be.
Links and Resources
Following safe sleep guidelines is paramount for very young children, regardless of a child’s health status. Make sure the sleep environment is conducive to their well-being, with a firm mattress, no loose bedding, and a dark room.
This not only provides a safe sleeping space but also promotes a good night’s rest for both the child and the parents. This is particularly true for very young children who are unwell. For a reminder of other safe sleep guidelines, please see the information provided by the NHS:
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