In an era dominated by technology, the question of whether young children should be allowed to play with smartphones or tablets has become a topic of increasing concern for parents. While many argue that the digital age offers countless opportunities for learning and entertainment, there is a growing body of evidence suggesting that exposing young minds to handheld devices may come with significant drawbacks.
I have pretty strong opinions regarding this topic, so I’m going to get even more personal here than I normally do, as I outline the reasons why it may not be the best idea to let your baby, infant or young child play with your smartphone or tablet.
Infants and Toddlers: The Risks of Early Exposure
Many parents of toddlers and infants aren’t even making a conscious choice the first time they hand over their phone for their child to play with. It might happen for the first time, say, in a restaurant to keep the child quiet whilst waiting for the food to arrive, to allow the adults at the table to talk to each other uninterrupted. The parent is so used to having the phone in their possession and in their own hand even, that they possibly won’t think twice as their tiny child reaches for the phone on the table.
At first, the child might just hold the device in their hands, perhaps exploring it with their gums if they are still a baby. Next time, the parent might find a cartoon for the child to watch, with the volume turned right down or muted, just so they can have a few moments of peace to catch up with a friend… Just as they are for their adult owners, mobile phones and tablets quickly become addictive for very young children.
Babies and infants who are exposed to regular time on devices will quickly learn to ask for them again and again, in the same way they might repeatedly ask for sugary desserts after a meal or sweets. As with adults, their brains start craving the dopamine hit once they’re used to getting it. The adult regularly handing over their phone with an understandable, ‘just grabbing a few moments of peace’ mentality, can very quickly develop a habit that can be hard to break.
Social Skills and Screen Time
One of the most critical concerns revolves around the impact of excessive screen time on social skills. While smartphones and tablets offer connectivity and learning opportunities in some ways, spending a lot of time in front of screens can hinder the development of crucial communication skills. This is no truer than with infants and very young children who completely rely on authentic social interactions from the time they’re born to develop vital skills including listening and talking.
Face-to-face interactions with adults and peers, outdoor play, and engagement in hands-on games and activities are essential for fostering social relationships and learning communication skills, especially in the formative years. Handing over a phone or tablet to your child at times when they could be interacting with the people and the environment around them (such as in a cafe or a restaurant) mentally removes them from that environment and all the things they should be learning from it.
Mental Health and Young Minds
A child’s mental health should always be a critical consideration for parents. The World Health Organization has emphasised the importance of balancing screen time to avoid potential negative impacts on mental well-being (see the links and resources section at the end of this post). Limiting exposure to electronic devices is crucial in preserving the mental health of young children, who may be more susceptible to the effects of prolonged screen use.
My husband and I have never allowed our children to use our phones, and while we have iPads in the house (passed on to me by my mum when she upgraded), we hardly ever use them and neither do the children. We also don’t have any games consoles in the house, and won’t consider getting one until they are much older. While we aren’t quite so strict with television (they watch some TV most days), our children don’t use any devices apart from the occasional time my daughter needs to use a Times Table app on the iPad for homework. We find that as she so rarely uses the device, she never asks for it and is usually quite reluctant to be on it (of course this could just be because she doesn’t like learning tables and this is the only thing she uses it for!)
Many people would say we’re being too old-fashioned in the way we’re bringing up our children, and that there’s nothing wrong with occasionally letting children and infants use a device and play on games consoles. While this is perhaps true, we are happier knowing that we are erring on the side of caution, and being overly strict rather than overly lenient when it comes to screens. In our opinion, while allowing young children to use hand-held devices can offer adults some much-needed time out from their kids, the children themselves simply don’t benefit from using them.
Babies and children of all ages need to authentically experience the world around them in a variety of different social situations. When they’re not out and about learning about their environment outside the home, they need to learn to find ways of entertaining themselves when they’re bored at home which doesn’t involve screen time.
A Decline in Creativity
Whilst researching her book, Spoiled Right: Delaying Screens and Giving Children What They Really Need, one of the most surprising bits of research Maghan Owenz uncovered was the sharp decline in childhood creativity around the same time that screen-based entertainment expanded to on-demand personal entertainment (think tablet/streaming/etc.) Creativity is instinctive in children – and just as essential in adults.
According to business leaders, creativity is the most desired skill in today’s working world. As millions of children will end up doing jobs that have not been invented yet, creativity will play a crucial role in helping them adapt and flourish in the future. Moreover, individuals who possess exceptional creativity, big-picture thinking abilities, and problem-solving skills can potentially tackle our most pressing issues, including climate change, and work towards building a fairer world. It really is therefore essential to foster creativity in kids, and regularly handing them devices for entertainment is one of the fastest ways to kill it from an early age.
Owenz’s book is well worth a read. You can order a copy of it here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Spoiled-Right-Delaying-Screens-Children/dp/1946665509
Educational Apps: A Double-Edged Sword
While educational apps exist, it’s essential to recognise that exposing younger kids to specific learning apps is not the best way to promote language development or problem-solving skills. Again in her book Spoiled Right, Owenz highlights the significant problems with them in a detailed and thoroughly researched way.
Babies learn the most from human interaction, not what they watch on a screen. Patricia Kuhl is one of the world’s leading brain scientists and runs experiments with more than 4,000 babies each year. This page at Unicef outlines her findings and supports the conclusion about screen-based education apps detailed in Owenz’s book`;
“What we’ve discovered is that little babies, under a year old, do not learn from a machine,” she says, pointing to several brain scans on a computer. “Even if you show them captivating videos, the difference in learning is extraordinary. You get genius learning from a live human being, and you get zero learning from a machine.”
PATRICIA K. KUHL
Neuroscientist – University of Washington
Traditional activities such as songs with actions, board games, word games and drawing activities can offer a more holistic approach to learning from an early age, engaging both mind and body. This leads me onto my next section…
What to Do Instead of Giving Them Your Phone
While Owenz’s book offers a wealth of ideas about what kids should be doing instead of watching screens in her book, my personal view is that honestly, anything they’re doing that doesn’t involve screen time (either on a device or on TV) is a bonus. Even if you’re child is following you around the house, repeatedly telling you they’re bored, they’re learning something! They will eventually (with an appropriate balance from you of encouraging them and ignoring them) find a way out of their boredom, whatever their age, and find something to do that possibly involves a bit of creative thinking. How many times has your child complained to you that they’re bored, only for you to find them happily playing with Lego or drawing a picture minutes later?
While children need to learn to deal with boredom and frustration in a variety of situations and contexts (and being handed an electronic device certainly hinders this learning process), there are helpful habits parents can develop from the time their children are infants to help keep them entertained. Here are some of the things my husband and I have done since our kids were tiny to avoid the use of screens both at home and whilst out and about:
Art Case
We have an art case we have taken with us everywhere with the kids since they were tiny. It’s quite small but very robust, and has survived years of being knocked about in our rucksacks and the back of the car. We keep it topped up with drawing pencils, coloured pencils, a rubber, and small pair of scissors, a small glue stick and two small pads of A7 plain paper. Honestly, it’s amazing what you can make and create with that around a table in a restaurant or a cafe!
Other things can be included in an art case such as stickers and lollipop sticks. Sticker eyes are a personal favourite of ours. A fun activity is for the parent to draw random shapes on a sheet of paper and for the child to turn each one into a colourful character using the eyes stickers:
Both our kids love to draw (they spend hours of their free time drawing every week) and the fact we have brought this art case everywhere since they were tiny is a big part of the reason for this.
Card Games
There are all sorts of card games for young children that can be played during times when you might be tempted to reach for a device to entertain your child with. Many of these games can be used in a variety of ways to entertain for hours depending on the child’s age. The game ‘Snap’, for example, can double up as a memory game by placing the shuffled cards (or a selection of pairs) down on the table. A set of cards with animals on could be adapted into a simple guessing game involving making animal noises or moving like the animal for very young children. The other beauty of card games/packs of cards is that they are small and light to carry.
Other Travel-Sized Games
Travel-sized versions of classics such as Guess Who? Snakes and Ladders, Ludo and Connect Four can provide fantastic entertainment whilst travelling or out and about. Keep a lookout for cheaper sets on preloved/second-hand sets apps and websites such as Vinted, eBay and Facebook marketplace. My five-year-old son has recently started learning how to play chess and the small magnetic chess set we bought him now regularly comes out with us. Using ‘dead’ time such as waiting around a table for food to arrive in restaurants or sitting together in a waiting room waiting for a medical appointment, can provide valuable opportunities for children of all ages to practice all sorts of different games and valuable skills such as writing or drawing. Pulling out a device for them robs them of these opportunities, as well as hinders the natural social interaction they would otherwise be having with the people around them.
Fidget Toys
The great variety of fidget toys on the market today also makes it easier for parents to not have to resort to giving their children a device to entertain them when they’re travelling or out and about. Our son got one similar to this one last Christmas which has proved to be a big hit, especially on long car journeys:
Magazines
Magazines are a great way to entertain children of all ages. Today’s magazines are not cheap (I often end up spending over £10 on two magazines the occasional times I buy them for my kids) so it’s good to save them for times when you really need that novelty factor to make sure they remain quietly entertain for a prolonged period of time, without the use of a screen. Perhaps, for example, during a flight, on a long train journey or during a special meal out with extended family to celebrate a special birthday. We all know when those times are, and rather than spending a fortune on magazines for them to have at home, I prefer to save them as the ‘creme de la creme’ of entertainment – a rare treat that I only let them have when I really need them to sit quietly and behave.
Shared Responsibility
Caring for young children under any circumstances can feel exhausting and relentless, and I totally understand the temptation to want to sit them in front of a device to get some peace and quiet, especially in places like restaurants and cafes when all you want to do is enjoy your food and a coffee uninterrupted.
My husband and I would always take it in turns to look after the kids in restaurants when they were small, so that we could each have some uninterrupted time to eat our own food amidst the chaos of feeding and entertaining them. If you are parenting with a partner, I think it’s really important to show each other that you are making an effort to allow each other this time. It shows your appreciation for each other, and that you’re taking the time and thought to look out for each other’s well-being during the testing years of raising young children.
As the children have grown older, they have learned how to behave in restaurants and other places they need to sit quietly and sensibly and wait for things. They still use the art case most of the time when we go out, although we find it isn’t such the disaster it used to be if we forget to bring it these days. They are more than capable of sitting and making conversation with the adults around the table now. We have achieved this by never, ever giving them a phone or other device at these times.
While our kids do watch TV, we were very committed to no-device parenting even before our first baby was born, in the same way that we decided not to put any pictures of our kids on social media. Parents who are raising children together need to make a concerted effort to raise their children without offering devices as a form of entertainment because, in all honesty, it’s extremely hard work! Really, it’s not easy to truly implement device-free parenting. What I can tell you is that it will be so worth it in the long run, and later they your children will thank you for it.
Moving Forward as Children Get Older…
The Right Age: A Matter of Debate
While the posts on ‘Enjoy Every Minute’ are mostly about raising young children, given the current global debate around young people and screens, it feels right to mention something about screen time as children get older.
The right age for a child’s first phone remains a matter of debate. Some argue for waiting until around the age of thirteen or fourteen (or ‘eighth grade’ in America – there’s now a pledge movement called Wait Until 8th worth reading about: https://www.waituntil8th.org/). Others argue that it should be different for each child depending on their maturity and readiness.
Whatever view parents have, clinical psychologists in their droves are cautioning against introducing smartphones or tablets too early, highlighting the potential risks to a child’s development. Personally, my husband and I will be waiting as long as we possibly can before letting our kids have their own smartphones. We have no idea how we will navigate this aspect of our children’s lives when they become teenagers, but we know will be standing very firm on the issue for the sake of their mental health and well-being.
Screen Use and Social Interaction in Families With Older Children
Smartphone use can seriously impact social interaction within families. The presence of screens at the dinner table or during family time may lead to a disconnect among family members. If you feel that your family or your children are struggling with this issue, sitting down to discuss it together, setting ground rules and establishing a formal agreement on screen time can help mitigate the negative effects of excessive smartphone use within your household.
A Note on Smartphones Around Babies and Newborns
Looking after a newborn or small baby is demanding, exhausting, and often let’s face it, boring. And what’s the first thing most adults do these days when they’re waiting around, feeling bored with nothing to do? They reach for their phones. I admit to regularly having my phone in my hand, hovering above my babies’ heads as they breastfed all those years ago, especially during those first few weeks when they could feed for up to an hour, even longer sometimes. However, had I read the research that is now emerging about the potential health risks, I would perhaps have thought twice about doing this:
https://hellodoctor.com.ph/parenting/child-health/child-health-issues/mobile-phones-near-babies-safe
Parents’ Own use of Smartphones and Devices
This brings me to my last point; that a root cause of the negative effects of smartphones and devices on child development is parents’ own use of them. An in The Atlantic (see links and resources section at the end) stated that, before parents think about their children’s use of smartphones, they should first consider their own. As the ultimate role models for their children, parents need to be mindful of their smartphone consumption (especially in front of their children) as this will set the stage for how children will interact with technology. Parents must consider the image they convey to their children regarding their own use of technology, and how they will model responsible smartphone consumption.
While my husband and I both use smartphones and are mindful of trying not to use them in front of our children, I admit that it’s not easy. We don’t do as well as we would like in this regard, and we know that we need to use them much less than we do if there is a hope we’re going to delay our children’s own use of them. I believe that parents’ consideration of and limiting of their own use of smartphones and devices is one of the hardest parts of trying to raise children with fewer (or no) screens. The words ‘practice what you preach’ have never been truer here, and it’s really hard.
Conclusion: Unplugging for a Better Future for You and Your Kids
In conclusion, the potential negative effects on social skills, mental health, and overall well-being should make parents think twice before handing over their phone or device to a child of any age, but especially to babies and infants who are still learning how to talk. Instead of relying on these devices to keep children entertained, the best approach might be to embrace the simplicity of everyday life as it used to be, engaging in hands-on games and activities using the kinds of resources I outlined earlier in the post.
Parents need to strive to nurture the development of their children in a more holistic way. Entertaining children without screens, especially whilst travelling or out and about, is tiring and hard work when they’re very young. But then, most aspects of parenting young kids are tiring and hard work. But screen-free parenting can also be a lot of fun and can create lovely, meaningful opportunities for families to bond and make proper memories together. Put in the effort to parent without the use of devices while they’re young, and you will ensure the well-rounded, healthy growth of your children’s minds in an increasingly digital world.
A final note:
Children not only used to survive without screens, they thrived. I bet there isn’t a single adult who grew up without smartphones and tablets who wishes they’d had them. Always tell yourself, whether you’re with your kids at home or out and about, anything they’re doing is better than an activity that involves a screen (video chats with family members don’t count). Any time they’re not on a device or watching TV, give yourself a pat on the back. Babies and small children have no concept of what phones and devices are until an adult puts one in their hands (or allows them to pick one up). Make the most of the innocence of babyhood and childhood, and don’t let them use a phone or device until they’re absolutely begging you. Because in today’s world, one day soon enough, they will be and it might not be so easy to stop them.
Useful Links and Resources
https://www.itstimetologoff.com/uk-unpluggingday/
https://www.ukat.co.uk/addiction/behavioural/social-media/
https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/games-and-play/screen-time-for-babies-and-toddlers-evidence
More Posts from Enjoy Every Minute You Might Find Useful
https://enjoyeveryminute.co.uk/2024/05/02/9-tips-for-getting-young-kids-to-school-on-time/
