I have something I need to say to all the parents out there quietly holding everything together, day after day. We need to start prioritising our own well-being, as well as the well-being of our kids and our families. After over eight years as a stay-at-home parent, I recently stepped back into the working world as a supply teacher in primary schools. And honestly? I am exhausted.
Don’t get me wrong — I love teaching. I love the energy of the classroom, the humour and honesty of children, and the sense of purpose it gives me. But coming home after a full day with other people’s kids, only to dive straight back into the relentless rhythm of family life with my own — homework, dinner, washing, bedtimes — it’s left me breathless. Bone-tired. Stretched to a point I didn’t think possible (and keeping in mind I’ve only been back a couple of weeks!).
And the truth is, even before I returned to work, life as a stay-at-home parent was no walk in the park either. The demands of modern parenting — the pressure to be present, patient, endlessly nurturing, while also managing the invisible load of family logistics — were already a full-time job, and then some.
That invisible load — the mental gymnastics of keeping track of appointments, school events, laundry cycles, snack preferences, emotional weather — it’s relentless. You can be on your feet all day and still feel like you’ve achieved nothing, simply because so much of your work is unseen and unpaid. That’s the exhausting irony: the more you carry quietly, the less people realise you’re carrying at all.
Now that I’m juggling both worlds, I find myself asking: how are we all doing this?
And the harder question: at what cost?
For me, the cost has started to show in small but telling ways — snapping at my kids when I don’t mean to, lying awake at night with a racing mind, feeling resentful over things I used to handle with ease. These are the warning signs. And if I’m feeling them just a couple of weeks into this new routine, I know I’m not alone.
We Need to Stop Ignoring Ourselves
Somewhere along the way, we’ve convinced ourselves that the right thing to do is to pour everything we have into our children, our jobs, our homes, our communities — and leave nothing in the tank for ourselves. We call it selflessness. We wear our exhaustion like a badge of honour.
But here’s the truth that’s been hitting me hard lately: we can’t pour from an empty cup. If we never stop to rest, reconnect, reflect — we are heading for burnout. We’ll get ill. We’ll snap at the people we love. We’ll lose ourselves in the chaos of it all.
It doesn’t make you a better parent to neglect your own needs. In fact, carving out time for your own hobbies, your friendships, your relationship with your partner — even just five or ten minutes a day — is parenting. It’s showing your children that adults deserve joy and rest too. That boundaries matter. That looking after your mind and body is a lifelong habit, not a luxury.
Learning to say the word, “No”
And part of protecting your well-being — especially for those of us who are chronic people-pleasers — is learning to say no.
No to the extra responsibilities that tip the balance.
No to that last-minute favour that you don’t have the capacity for.
No to saying “yes” out of guilt instead of genuine desire.
Saying no doesn’t make you selfish or difficult. It makes you honest. It creates space for what really matters — your health, your peace, your relationships, your joy. Because when you say no to something that drains you, you’re saying yes to something that sustains you.
Saying no also teaches our children that boundaries are healthy — that people aren’t supposed to be available to everyone all the time. We can raise kind, resilient kids without raising them to believe that self-sacrifice is the price of love.
A Call to Action: Start Small, Start Now
So this is my plea — to every parent running on fumes, to everyone whispering “I can’t keep doing this” into their morning coffee — make space for you. Even a little bit. Even just one thing this week that’s yours, and yours alone.
You don’t have to book a spa day or take a weekend away (though wouldn’t that be nice?). It might be listening to your favourite music for ten minutes without interruption. Texting a friend just to say hi. Sitting with a cup of tea in silence. Doing a hobby you shelved years ago. Taking a walk alone. Watching a show that’s just for you.
If that sounds impossible right now — I get it. But change doesn’t have to be big or dramatic. It just has to start.
Here are some simple, low-pressure ways to gently bring yourself back into the picture:
Your Parental Well-being Checklist: 8 Simple Ways to Carve Out Time for You
- Set a daily “me time” boundary
Even if it’s just 10–15 minutes. Mark it on the calendar. Tell your family. Honour it like you would any other appointment. This is your protected time — not for errands, not for tidying, not for catching up on the laundry. It’s for you to pause, breathe, and just be. - Schedule joy — without guilt
Make time for something that brings you genuine joy — not because it’s useful, impressive, or Pinterest-worthy, but because it lights you up. That might mean reading a trashy rom-com, rewatching old Love Island episodes, or sitting in your dressing gown eating toast in silence. Joy is not frivolous. It’s fuel. And you don’t need to justify it to anyone. - Reconnect with your partner
It doesn’t have to be a fancy date night (though if you can manage one, more power to you). Often, it’s the small, screen-free rituals that keep a relationship strong when life feels like one long to-do list. A quiet check-in after the kids are in bed. A shared cup of tea before the day kicks off. Cooking side by side, folding laundry while catching up, even just collapsing into the sofa in mutual silence — all of these are ways of saying we’re still here.
It’s easy to slip into co-parenting mode 24/7 and forget that you’re more than just teammates — you’re partners. Lovers. Friends. And yes, let’s be honest: this stage of life doesn’t always leave much room for passion and spontaneity. Even if you’re not having the best sex of your life while you’ve got little ones barging into the bathroom or waking up at 5am, that doesn’t mean intimacy is gone. Intimacy is built in the in-between — in the kindness of asking, “How was your day, really?”, in the squeeze of a hand, the shared in-jokes, the effort to be gentle with each other when you’re both worn thin.
It’s not about fireworks right now — it’s about staying connected in the trenches. So talk. Touch. Laugh. Be silly. Be quiet. Just be together, on purpose. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep showing up. - Stay in touch with friends
Friendships can feel like the first thing to go when life gets busy — but they are essential. Send that meme, reply to the message (even if it’s two weeks late), or leave a short voice note. Small efforts keep you feeling seen, supported, and less alone. If you’re able to meet up with friends for a coffee or even a meal out, then do so. You will feel so much better for it. - Lower the bar — and let go of the guilt
The kitchen floor can wait. The beds don’t need to be made with military precision. Not every meal has to be home-cooked. Done is better than perfect. When you stop chasing perfection, you make space for rest and real life. - Use your commute (if you have one)
If you drive, walk, or sit on public transport, reclaim that time as yours. Turn off the mental to-do list. Listen to your favourite music, zone out to a podcast, or just enjoy the quiet. That’s your transition time — not just from A to B, but from chaos to calm. - Get outside — even just a little
You don’t need to hike a mountain. Five minutes standing on your doorstep with a coffee, walking around the block, or sitting in the garden can help clear your head and reset your nervous system. Fresh air and sunlight really do make a difference. - Be kind to yourself — radically
This is hard. Really hard. You’re doing your best. That’s more than enough. Speak to yourself like you would to a close friend: with compassion, softness, and encouragement. You don’t have to earn rest. You deserve it by virtue of being human.
And remember: you don’t have to justify your version of rest to anyone. Whether it’s journaling by candlelight, having a long nap, or bingeing reality TV in your PJs — if it makes you feel a bit more you, it counts. You don’t need to completely overhaul your life to start looking after your mental health. You just need to believe that your needs matter too — and that looking after yourself is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. So let’s stop just surviving, and let’s start living our lives in a way we can actually enjoy them instead.
Further Links and Resources
https://www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/parent-wellbeing
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