In today’s fast-paced world, where instant gratification is often just a click away, teaching young children the value of patience has never been more critical. The ability to wait is not just a trivial part of a child’s development; it is an essential life skill that influences their future success in various situations. This blog post will explore why it’s important to make children wait, how it contributes to their growth, and the best strategies to incorporate this fundamental lesson into daily routines. In her book French Children Don’t Throw Food by Pamela Druckerman, the author explores the cultural differences in parenting styles between French and Anglo-American parents, with a particular focus on how French parents cultivate patience and self-control in their children from an early age. The concept of making babies and young children wait is central to Druckerman’s observations, highlighting how this approach contributes to well-mannered, independent, and emotionally balanced children.
The Art of “The Pause” (or “La Pause” in French)
One of the most significant practices Druckerman describes is “The Pause.” French parents don’t rush to soothe their babies at the first sign of fussing or crying. Instead, they wait a moment to observe, giving the baby a chance to self-soothe. This brief waiting period helps babies learn to manage minor discomforts on their own, fostering early self-regulation skills. According to Druckerman, this is not neglect but an intentional strategy that respects the baby’s ability to develop coping mechanisms.
Delayed Gratification Starts Early
French parenting emphasises delayed gratification as a cornerstone of child development. From waiting between meals to not snacking constantly, French children are accustomed to the idea that they can’t have everything immediately. This expectation is woven into their daily routine, teaching them that waiting is a normal part of life. Druckerman notes that this approach leads to children who are less demanding and more capable of handling frustration—a stark contrast to the culture of instant gratification often observed in American parenting.
The Importance of Boundaries
In French Children Don’t Throw Food, Druckerman explains that French parents set firm boundaries while maintaining warmth and affection. They believe that saying “no” and making children wait for what they want is an important strategy for teaching patience and respect. This consistent boundary-setting helps children understand limits, which is essential for developing self-discipline and social skills.
Building Autonomy Through Waiting
Druckerman believes that French parents also encourage autonomy by allowing children to experience boredom and solve problems independently. Rather than constantly entertaining their children, they give them the space to find their own activities. This not only fosters creativity but also strengthens their ability to cope with waiting without constant external stimulation.
Understanding the Concept of Waiting
The concept of waiting may seem simple to adults, but for young children, it can be quite abstract. Children live in the moment, and their sense of time is still developing. This makes waiting a challenging task, yet it is a crucial skill that lays the foundation for delayed gratification, self-control, and social development.
The Role of Delayed Gratification
Delayed gratification, or the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward in favour of a later, often greater reward, is a key factor in a child’s development. The famous “Marshmallow Test” conducted by psychologist Walter Mischel highlighted the long-term benefits of delayed gratification. Children who were able to wait for a larger reward tended to have greater success later in life, including better academic performance, healthier relationships, and improved coping skills.
Why Waiting is an Important Skill
Development of Self-Control:
Learning to wait helps children develop self-control, an incredibly powerful tool for managing emotions and behaviours.
Improved Social Skills:
Waiting during cooperative play teaches children to take turns, share, and empathise with peers.
Better Communication Skills:
Waiting for a turn to speak or participate encourages listening and processing auditory information, enhancing language development.
Preparation for Real-Life Situations:
Many aspects of daily life require patience, from standing in lines to waiting for important events. Teaching this skill early prepares children for these inevitable parts of life.
Strategies to Teach Patience
Teaching patience doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are some of the best strategies to help young children develop this important skill:
Incorporate Waiting into the Daily Routine:
Simple activities like waiting for food to cool, taking turns in games, or standing in line can be great ways to practice patience.
Use Simple Board Games and Card Games:
Games like “Simon Says” or basic card games teach children to follow rules, wait for their turn, and handle the anticipation of winning or losing.
Model Patient Behaviour:
Children learn a lot by observing family members and other role models. Demonstrating patience in your own behavior sets a positive example.
Create Realistic Expectations:
Set achievable waiting times based on the child’s age and gradually increase them as their ability improves.
Discuss the Concept of Time:
Use timers or countdowns to give children a concrete understanding of waiting periods.
Provide Small Items for Distraction:
Colouring books or simple activities can help manage long waits without resorting to screen time. Consider putting together an ‘art case’ complete with colouring pens and pencils, stickers, stencils and small pads of paper and take it wherever you go.
Positive Reinforcement:
Praise and rewards for patient behaviour encourage children to continue practising this skill. As children grow older, praise them for showing independence during their play and activity time, when they have shown they can be on their own for extended periods of time. Praise them when they are making an obvious effort to wait for an adult to finish their conversation or finish what they are doing before asking for something. Rewards don’t always have to sweet treats!
The Role of Play in Teaching Patience
Play is a natural and effective method for teaching patience. Cooperative play activities require turn-taking, negotiation, and understanding peer conditions. Simple board games and activities like “Simon Says” are not just fun; they are educational tools that foster patience and self-regulation.
The Connection Between Patience and Language Development
Patience and language development are closely linked. Waiting gives children time to process information, formulate responses, and improve communication skills. For children with a language delay, structured waiting activities can be particularly beneficial, providing extra time to develop auditory processing and expressive language abilities.
Addressing Challenging Behaviours
Patience can be particularly challenging for younger children and those with developmental differences. Health professionals often recommend specific strategies to address these behaviours, such as breaking tasks into smaller steps or using visual schedules. The first step is recognising that impatience is a normal part of development and can be improved with consistent practice and support.
The Long-Term Benefits of Teaching Patience
Teaching patience is not about creating immediate results but fostering a skill that benefits children throughout their lives. The good news is that with consistent practice, children become more patient, leading to greater success in school, better social interactions, and improved emotional well-being in the long run.
Helpful Tips for Parents and Educators
Be Consistent: Make waiting a regular part of daily life to reinforce the skill. Even babies and very young children can be made to wait just for a few moments when they require the attention of the adults in their lives, rather than getting an immediate response every time.
Use Discussion Questions: After activities where children are encouraged to wait (such as waiting their turn during a game), ask questions like, “How did it feel to wait?” or “What helped you stay calm?” to encourage reflection.
Observe Body Language: Pay attention to non-verbal cues that indicate a child’s struggle with waiting and provide support as needed.
Set Up Practice Opportunities: Create situations where children can practice waiting, such as during family meals or classroom activities.
Encourage Peer Interaction: Group activities with older children can help younger ones learn patience through observation and imitation.
Conclusion
Patience is more than just waiting; it is an important life skill that supports emotional regulation, social development, and future success. By understanding the importance of making children wait and implementing strategies to teach this skill, parents, educators, and caregivers can play a pivotal role in nurturing patient children. Whether through daily routines, simple activities, or role modelling, every effort contributes to a child’s ability to navigate life’s many waiting periods with grace and resilience.
Further Links and Resources
You can purchase Pamela Druckerman’s excellent book ‘French Children Don’t Throw Food’ by clicking on the following link (these are affiliate links):
https://amzn.to/42ywN6j (paperback)
https://amzn.to/4hHizEC (hardback)
For more information about the Stanford Marshmallow experiment, click here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment
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