It’s About Quality, Not Quantity
In today’s fast-paced world, where remote work, long commutes, or demanding hours often pull us in countless directions, many working parents struggle with guilt around not spending “enough” time with their children. But what if the solution isn’t more time, but better time?Being a working parent doesn’t mean you’re failing your children. Far from it. In fact, the reality for most families is that both parents need to work – for financial stability, for career fulfilment, or simply to keep everything afloat. The key is in learning how to make the time you do have with your children meaningful, intentional, and grounded in presence.
Quality Trumps Quantity Every Time
We’ve all had those days: you’re home, technically off the clock, but you’re mentally still at work. Emails trickle in, your phone pings constantly, and your child is tugging at your sleeve asking to play, or to show you something they made. You nod, half-glance, and say, “Just give me a minute.” That minute turns into ten. The moment passes.
Now, compare that to carving out even 15 fully present minutes, where your phone is out of sight and mind, and your attention is squarely on them. You’re building Lego together, drawing silly pictures, playing make-believe, or simply chatting about their day. To your child, that focused attention feels like everything. It tells them: “You matter. I see you.”
A common misconception is that good parenting means endless hours of togetherness. But children don’t need your undivided attention all day long. What they need is your attentiveness when you’re with them. Fifteen minutes of being truly seen, heard, and engaged with can be far more powerful than two hours of distracted, disengaged time with a phone or laptop dividing the space between you.
Structure Sets Everyone Free
Children thrive on routine. It gives them a sense of safety, predictability, and control. But the same is true for adults. And when you’re juggling work and family life, clear boundaries and time structures are your best ally.
One of the most effective strategies is to set clear expectations around your time – both for yourself and your children.
Instead of saying “I’m busy” in vague terms, try being specific:
“I’m working until 3pm. After that, we’re going to go to the park/play Uno/read together.”
Not only does this set a firm boundary for your work time, but it also gives your child something to look forward to. They know their time with you is coming, and that it will be just for them. And crucially – you must follow through. Children learn very quickly whether they can rely on what you say.
Using tools like timers, visual schedules, or daily planners can be helpful, especially for younger children. You can even involve them in the process – creating a simple “day board” with blocks of time for “mummy/daddy is working”, “snack time”, “our time”, etc. This helps reduce anxiety, avoid constant interruptions, and teaches children about time management from an early age.
Likewise, setting boundaries with yourself is just as vital. It’s all too easy to check “just one more email” or scroll through the news while your child plays nearby. But being physically present isn’t the same as being emotionally available. Put your phone away during family time. Close the laptop. Turn off notifications. The world can wait. Your child’s memories won’t.
Protecting “Sacred” Time
Another useful habit is to create protected windows of family time that are non-negotiable. These don’t have to be long, elaborate sessions – even a short bedtime routine, a weekend breakfast, or a shared walk after dinner can become a meaningful anchor in your relationship with your child.
The key is consistency. When these moments are repeated regularly, they take on a kind of sacredness. They become rituals your child can depend on – a rhythm that tells them, “No matter how busy life gets, we always have this.”
Try to create a daily rhythm that balances your work needs with your parenting values. Maybe it looks something like:
- 08:00 – 08:30: Breakfast together, no devices
- 08:30 – 15:00: Parent working, child at school/childcare/play
- 15:00 – 15:30: “Reconnect time” – snack and a chat or play
- 17:30 – 18:30: Dinner and tidy-up together
- 19:00 – 19:30: Bedtime routine – stories, cuddles, quiet chat
This structure can flex, of course – but even rough frameworks give children (and you!) a sense of stability and shared understanding.
Saying No So You Can Say Yes
One of the hardest parts of being a working parent is feeling like you’re constantly splitting yourself in two. But you’re not superhuman. And trying to do everything often results in doing nothing well.
So, learn to say no to the things that pull you away unnecessarily from your family or drain your emotional bandwidth. That might mean turning down a non-essential meeting at 6pm, being honest with your boss about your boundaries, or deciding not to overcommit socially on weekends.
Equally, teach your children that they also need to respect your boundaries. It’s okay to say:
“I’m on a work call – I’ll help you in 10 minutes.”
The more consistent you are with boundaries, the more they’ll learn to respect them – and eventually, apply the same principle in their own lives.
Let Go of the Guilt
Working doesn’t make you a bad parent. In fact, being a model of responsibility, resilience, and balance is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your children.
The guilt we carry often comes from comparison – the idea that we should be doing more, that someone else is doing it better. But children don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one.
So, the next time you feel the pang of guilt that you only had 20 minutes to play with your child today, remind yourself:
If those 20 minutes were spent with love, intention, and full presence – that’s enough.
Final Thoughts
Being a working parent is a constant dance – of duty, love, ambition, and compromise. But at the heart of it is a simple truth: Your presence matters more than your time. And your child knows when you’re really with them.
So, schedule that time. Set the boundaries. Use the timers. Create rituals. And most of all – when you’re with your children, really be with them.
Because those little pockets of presence? They become the moments your child remembers forever.
Further links and Resources:
https://www.sitters.co.uk/blog/top-time-management-tips-for-busy-parents.aspx
https://www.naeyc.org/our-work/families/spending-quality-time-with-your-child
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https://enjoyeveryminute.co.uk/2024/05/10/12-ways-to-cope-with-parental-exhaustion-and-burnout/
https://enjoyeveryminute.co.uk/2024/05/18/how-to-fit-in-exercise-when-you-have-young-kids/