Let The Kids Eat Cake: Our family’s old-school approach to sugar, pudding, and keeping everyone (mostly) sane…
Let me say this up front: I’m not against sugar. I think children should be allowed to eat it — just not too much, and not too often. As long as they’re getting a varied, balanced diet most of the time, there’s room for the occasional treat. The key, in my opinion, is teaching moderation, not enforcing an outright ban.
And also — and this part is important — only letting them eat a sugary pudding after some meals (not all meals), and only if they’ve eaten a good amount of their main course. That might sound old-fashioned, but in our house, it’s worked.
I know there are newer parenting philosophies floating around. The idea is that if you offer pudding alongside the main meal, or never use it as a reward, children won’t see sweet things as “special” or “forbidden.” Some say you shouldn’t encourage them to eat vegetables in exchange for dessert, and that you should trust kids to regulate their sugar intake themselves, with enough exposure.
Now, I’m not saying that approach doesn’t work for some families — I’m sure it does. But personally, we’ve kept things pretty old-school. Our children are offered dessert sometimes, after some meals, and only when they’ve eaten reasonably well. And we don’t do sugary puddings after every meal, or even every day. We’re very conscious of how much sugar they’re having over the course of a day — and across a whole week.
It’s not uncommon for us to say something like, “No pudding today because you’ve got a birthday party tomorrow,” or “You’ve already had a treat earlier, so not again today.” And because we’ve always been consistent, our kids accept this. They don’t argue. There’s no big drama.
That, to me, is how you teach balance.
Sugar: Irresistible, Unavoidable… and Slightly Chaotic
Anyone who’s been to a child’s birthday party knows the power sugar holds. It doesn’t take much — a handful of jelly sweets, a slice of birthday cake, a single foil-wrapped chocolate — and suddenly the room is filled with frenzied small people who look like they’ve just been released from captivity into a Haribo-filled utopia.
I once saw my own son, aged four at the time, crawling through a flowerbed to retrieve the shattered remains of a boiled sweet that had been launched out of a piñata. It was dusty, cracked, no longer wrapped, and almost certainly crawling with ants — and he ate it as if he’d discovered buried treasure. The look on his face was one of pure, unfiltered joy.
And honestly? I get it. Sugar is delicious. There’s something very sweet (no pun intended) about those simple moments — spraying cream straight into your child’s mouth from a can, letting them pick something from the sweet shop on a Saturday, baking fairy cakes together and licking the spoon.
I’ve never believed in banning sugar entirely. But I do believe it needs boundaries.
We Set Clear Rules Around Sugar
In our house, sugar is allowed — in small quantities, with a few clear, non-negotiable rules. The main one is this: you don’t get pudding unless you’ve eaten a decent amount of your meal. Not because dessert is some grand prize to be earned, but because meals come first. Real food comes first.
I’ve been told that some parenting experts now recommend serving pudding with the main course, to avoid creating a hierarchy where vegetables are the chore and sugar is the reward. But while that might work for some children — possibly the sort who chew slowly and dab their mouths with a napkin — it would be total chaos in our house.
My son, for example, eats anything sweet like he’s competing in a timed challenge. If he was given access to pudding before or during a meal, he wouldn’t eat his actual food at all. He’d demolish the pudding, then sit there in silent protest, waiting for a second helping that would never come.
So yes, in our house, dessert comes at the end, and only if the meal has been eaten with some effort and enthusiasm. And to be clear — this rule applies equally. If one child has pudding, the other one does too (assuming they’ve eaten properly). We’ve never done “one child gets the cake while the other gets nothing” — because, quite frankly, that would be cruel.
Sugar Is a Treat, Not a Bribe
We do allow sweet things on a fairly regular basis — a biscuit with tea, a small dessert after dinner, a couple of jelly babies on a walk. And yes, sometimes they’re given as a reward — but never as a bribe.
There is a difference. A reward is considered and thought-through — a little recognition for good behaviour, effort at school, or managing a difficult situation. A bribe, on the other hand, tends to come mid-tantrum, often in public, usually said through clenched teeth in the direction of a small person on the brink of collapse: “If you just stop crying, I’ll give you some chocolate when we get home.”
We try to avoid that. Not always perfectly — we’re human — but as a general rule, we try to keep sugary things out of the emergency negotiation toolkit.
Some Children Can’t Self-Regulate
It’s often suggested that if you expose children to sugar regularly and remove the mystery, they’ll learn to moderate themselves. And while that may be true for some kids, it really depends on the child.
My daughter has always been good at self-regulating. She’ll eat half a biscuit and save the rest for later. She’s quite happy to stop when she’s full. My son, meanwhile, has been known to inhale an entire cupcake in one bite and immediately start scanning the table for more.
Some children just don’t have that “off” switch when it comes to sugar. And that’s fine — but it means the adults need to be the ones who help manage it. Not through harsh control, but through structure, routine, and consistent boundaries.
What About When Other People Give Your Kids Sweets?
Ah yes — the well-meaning relatives, family friends, and neighbours who hand your child an entire bag of sweets as a gift, or turn up with chocolate the size of their head at Easter. It’s always done with love, of course — but that doesn’t mean we’re obliged to let our kids eat it all.
Over the years, we’ve worked out our own quiet system for managing this. Most of the time, we say thank you very much, accept the treats graciously, and then quietly put them in the cupboard. Some get rationed out slowly, some are saved for sharing with guests, and quite a lot of it… well, it just disappears. Either donated, re-gifted, or, yes, binned — ideally when no one’s looking.
I’ve tried gently suggesting to people that our kids really don’t need quite so many sugary gifts — but sometimes it’s easier to just smile, accept it, and deal with it later. I’d honestly rather quietly dispose of a stash of out-of-date chocolate than let my children plough through the entire contents of a trick-or-treat bucket or eat an entire selection box just because it was given to them. I never feel guilty discreetly giving it away or even chucking it in the bin, because at the end of day, I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want my kids to consume it!
We treat it the same way we treat most sugar-related decisions: we manage it. We don’t make a big fuss, we don’t shame or scold, but we do make the final call. Just because it’s in the house doesn’t mean they have to eat it all.
And the funny thing is, they’re usually not that bothered. They’ll eat a bit of what they’re given at Halloween, Easter or Christmas, and then completely forget about the rest. I’m not a big fan of sugar myself, so it’s not exactly a hardship to see it go. If no one misses it — including the kids — then into the food bank box or bin it goes.
Unsentimental? Maybe. But realistic. And when it comes to your child’s health, I think realism wins.
Has It Worked?
So far, yes — we think so. Our kids eat a wide variety of foods, including things that lots of children refuse: lentils, seafood, vegetables, strong flavours. They do ask for sweets or pudding nearly every day — and that’s fine — but they also understand that the answer might be “no,” and they accept that without question.
We’ve never given in just to avoid a fuss. And as a result, sugar isn’t a source of conflict in our house. It’s not a bargaining chip, or a forbidden fruit, or something they obsess over. It’s just one part of life — sometimes allowed, often limited, always within our control as parents.
That alone feels like a win.
In the End, It’s About Balance
For us, sugar isn’t the enemy — it’s just not a daily necessity. It’s something to be enjoyed now and then, in small portions, and in the right context. It doesn’t need to be completely banned, but it does need to be managed — just like screen time, or squabbling over who sits where at the dinner table.
Our job as parents isn’t to make sugar disappear. It’s to teach our children how to enjoy it sensibly, with perspective — as part of a wider picture that prioritises variety, nutrition, and moderation.
And if we can get to the end of the week with children who’ve had a few treats, eaten their greens, and managed not to turn into birthday-party gremlins after a bit of cake? I’ll take that as a very decent result indeed.
Further Links and Resources:
What do the NHS guidelines say when it comes to how much sugar kids should be allowed to eat each day?
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/food-types/how-does-sugar-in-our-diet-affect-our-health/
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https://enjoyeveryminute.co.uk/2024/05/20/the-importance-of-discipline-for-young-children/