Parenting is an incredible journey that brings joy, love, and countless rewards. However, it also presents its fair share of challenges. When it comes to raising young children, the style of parenting we choose can significantly impact a child’s life in the long run. In this blog post, I explore how a calm and assertive parenting style can help raise happy kids, and how this approach compares to other parenting styles and approaches. into assertive parenting, exploring how it differs from permissive and authoritarian parenting styles and how it can help nurture confident, emotionally intelligent children.
Understanding Parenting Styles
Before talking about assertive parenting, let’s briefly explore the three main parenting styles that exist:
- Permissive Parents: These parents are often lenient, placing a strong emphasis on their child’s needs and wants. They may struggle to set clear boundaries and discipline consistently.
- Authoritarian Parents: On the opposite end of the spectrum, authoritarian parents are strict, enforcing strict rules and discipline with little room for flexibility or open communication.
- Authoritative Parents: Authoritative parents find a balance between permissiveness and authoritarianism. They set clear boundaries but also encourage open communication and mutual respect.
A Calm and Assertive Parenting Style: The Best Way Forward
Assertive parenting is often considered the best parenting style because it combines the strengths of authoritative parenting with assertive communication and discipline. Here’s how it works:
- Clear Communication: Assertive parents maintain open communication with their children. They actively listen to their child’s perspective and emotions, creating a positive parent-child relationship built on trust and respect.
- Clear Boundaries and Firm Limits: While meeting their child’s needs is important, assertive parents also set clear boundaries. This helps children understand what is expected of them and what the consequences will be for their actions.
- Assertive Discipline: Instead of using aggressive communication or harsh punishment, assertive parents employ assertive discipline. This means that they address their child’s behavioural problems with an emphasis on problem-solving skills and teaching life skills.
- Natural and Logical Consequences: Assertive parents often allow natural consequences to occur when a child makes a poor choice. For example, if a child forgets their umbrella on a rainy day, they may get wet and learn the importance of preparation. Logical consequences are also used, where parents ensure that the consequence relates directly to the misbehaviour.
- Emotional Intelligence: Assertive parents help their children develop emotional intelligence by acknowledging and validating their child’s emotions. This empowers the child to manage their emotions effectively.
- Confidence Building: An assertive approach instills confidence in children, as they learn to make good choices and take responsibility for their actions.
The Impact of Assertive Parenting on Children
By practising assertive parenting, you can expect several positive outcomes in the long run:
- Healthy Behaviour Management: Children raised with clear boundaries and assertive discipline are more likely to exhibit healthy behaviour and develop problem-solving skills.
- High Self-Esteem: An assertive parenting style fosters a child’s self-esteem, as they feel secure and capable of making good choices.
- Positive Parent-Child Relationship: Open communication and mutual respect build a strong and positive parent-child relationship, which is essential for the child’s emotional health.
- Life Skills Development: Children raised with assertive parenting learn essential life skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.
- Reduced Power Struggles: By providing clear guidelines and involving children in decision-making, assertive parents can reduce power struggles within the family.
Conclusion
In the world of parenting, the assertive approach strikes a balance between meeting a child’s needs and setting clear boundaries. It fosters emotional intelligence, confidence, and problem-solving skills. By understanding the potential impact of different parenting styles and adopting an assertive approach, you can guide your child to become a confident, emotionally intelligent individual.
Open communication, mutual respect, and an emphasis on positive discipline are the keys to successful assertive parenting. Children need a parent who is an authority figure in their lives, although not too much of an authoritarian who simply bullies them. Children who are regularly ordered around, spoken roughly to, not listened to and frequently yelled at are likely to develop even worse behaviour and low self-esteem.
But that’s not to say that they don’t need a little bit of tough love sometimes. Parents should set high expectations of their children from the word go and then do everything they can to encourage those high standards and good behaviour in a firm but fair, supportive and positive way. From the child’s point of view, they look to their parent for everything. The parent therefore needs to strive to be the best role model they can be, while accepting that they’re not always going to get it right. Effective assertive parenting can take time and patience to learn how to do well.
Even at the best of times, and with the best parental will in the world, raising children can be incredibly hard. Sometimes adults can feel totally overwhelmed in their parenting role, and this can particularly be true of parents in really difficult situations or in low-income families where stress and tensions can run extremely high. The current cost of living crisis is hardly helping matters in these households. Parents who do feel this way might consider joining support groups or a positive parenting programme to get some help in dealing with everything. There are some links below to some organisations to reach out to.
Links to organisations and support groups:
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/parenting-and-mental-health
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