How young children should be disciplined is a topic that often sparks debate among parents, caregivers, and educators. This is a complex aspect of raising children, with a wide range of opinions on the most effective ways to manage a child’s behaviour. In this blog post, I will explore the importance of discipline for young children, emphasising the importance of positive discipline, the detrimental effects of too much negative or harsh discipline, and the long-term benefits of nurturing good behaviour from an early age.
The Importance of Discipline
Effective discipline from a very young age plays a key role in the development of a child’s character and behaviour. It sets the foundation for appropriate behaviours, social skills, and problem-solving skills, which are crucial for succeeding at school and becoming responsible adults and good citizens. When they are very young, children often lack the necessary skills to make good choices and understand societal norms. Proper, effective discipline helps them learn the right way to behave and interact with others, ensuring they grow up with good habits and a strong sense of what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.
Gone are the Days of Corporal Punishment as Standard (Thank Goodness!)
Unfortunately, corporal punishment – that act of physically hurting another person as a form of punishment – used to be the standard method of behaviour management used in households and classrooms throughout the UK. Many of the older generations can recall horror stories of watching children being brought up to the front of the classroom and beaten across their hands with a cane. I could weep on hearing my dad’s stories of corporal punishment from his time at boarding school. Although he was fortunate enough never to have been abused in this way himself, his memories of it happening to others are vivid and lasting. These days, using physical force as a disciplinary measure has been widely discredited and is considered ineffective and harmful. Corporal punishment can have disastrous consequences for a child’s mental health and development. It can lead to stress, anxiety, and contribute to the development of mental health problems both in childhood and later in life. It also fails to teach children important life skills, such as problem-solving and self-regulation, which are crucial for navigating the turbulence of the teenage years.
But Children Still Need Discipline!
Of course, some parents end up at the other end of the spectrum when it comes to disciplining their children, and don’t really do it. This could be because they don’t know how to, they’re too distracted by other things in their lives or they don’t want to risk upsetting the child or harming their relationship with their child. After all, telling a child off isn’t the nicest part of parenting. However, after my years of experience teaching in both primary and secondary schools, and years of parenting two children, I know how essential effective discipline from the earliest stages of a child’s life is. It is almost impossible for children who don’t receive effective discipline and have firm boundaries set from a very young age to thrive and develop normally. I have seen these children trying to navigate primary school and as they get older, high school. Life can be a huge struggle for these children, and of course, the really sad thing is that it’s never their fault.
Keeping it Positive
So we’ve established that positive discipline and firm boundaries need to be put in place even when the child is very young. Positive discipline involves setting clear expectations and family rules, emphasising natural consequences and logical consequences, and using positive reinforcement to encourage good behaviour. This approach helps children understand the consequences of their behaviour and learn from their mistakes, making it more likely that they will make good choices next time. Whatever systems and strategies parents and careers put in place (and there are many different ones that fall under the umbrella of ‘positive discipline), I would say there are two incredibly important things to remember.
The first thing is, consistency. Of course, every parent will have different tolerances regarding their child’s behaviour, and some will have a natural tendency to be more ‘strict’ than others which makes communication between adults so important. Parents raising children together, whether they are co-parenting or living together, need to talk regularly about strategies and approaches for each of their children. Every child will have differing needs and requirements regarding the best approaches to managing their behaviour, and these will most likely change often as the child grows and develops.
The second thing is, clamp down on the small stuff. In schools, the most successful teachers are the ones who never let the small infringements of behaviour go uncorrected. They make a big deal out of low-level poor behaviour so that the children’s behaviour never really escalates beyond that. The most effective teachers keep ‘on top’ of their classes by consistently praising and positively reinforcing good work and behaviour, whilst also consistently highlighting and correcting negative behaviour.
There are whole books written on the subject of effective classroom management, so I won’t delve into this here, but essentially it shouldn’t be any different for a child at home. If small infringements of the rules and expectations laid down by parents occur, even by a very small child, these should be picked up on and gently corrected, with positive behaviour being explained and modelled by the adult. I cannot stress how important it is for this to happen at the earliest possible stage in a child’s life. Responding appropriately to the small stuff, or nipping the small stuff in the bud – really caring about the small stuff – will prevent a whole host of challenging behavioural issues in the future that are upsetting for everyone.
Effective discipline for young children can be done gently, and it can be done without shouting, but it requires a great deal of effort, dedication and communication on the part of the adults in that child’s life. Personally, I believe that effective approaches and strategies regarding discipline of young children are absolutely fundamental in fostering a happy environment not only for the child, but also for the adults in their life.
Different Strategies for Different Ages
Effective discipline strategies should also consider a child’s age. For younger children, timeouts, redirection, and clear communication are often effective ways to address unwanted behaviour. These methods provide a chance for children to calm down, reflect on their actions, and learn more appropriate ways to express themselves that throwing tantrums or hitting out.
As children grow into school-age and older children, it becomes essential to engage them in problem-solving exercises, encourage them to take responsibility for their actions, and even involve them in setting family rules. This approach helps them develop crucial social skills and problem-solving abilities that will benefit them in stressful situations and also help improve their academic performance.
Conclusion
In conclusion, discipline is an essential component of healthy child development. The ultimate goal of discipline is not merely to discourage negative behaviour but to nurture positive behaviour and help children grow into responsible, well-adjusted adults. Effective parents and caregivers need to understand that there are various approaches to discipline that can be tailored to different situations and a child’s age. Effective communication between parents and caregivers is absolutely essential in creating a consistent environment in which a child will thrive.
By emphasising positive discipline, setting clear expectations, and avoiding the use of physical punishment, we can ensure that children develop the necessary skills to make good choices, build healthy relationships, and become productive members of society. Disciplining children at an early age with love, care and consistency, will set them on the right path and equip them with the necessary tools to successfully navigate life’s challenges. In the long run, this approach contributes to the well-being of both the child and the society they are part of, promoting a healthier, happier future for all.
Links and Resources
While corporal punishment was banned in state schools in England and Wales in 1986 (the ban was only extended to cover private schools in England and Wales in 1998), I was surprised to learn that smacking children is still legal where it amounts to ‘reasonable punishment.’
Personally, I don’t believe that any physical punishment of any form, including smacking, is a beneficial or effective way to discipline a child of any age. I would be delighted to see a change in the law that in fact does make it illegal to smack a child.
Parenting can be incredibly tough, especially when it comes to trying to discipline children. Parents who feel they are failing to effectively discipline their child, feel they aren’t managing to discipline their child in a positive way, or even find themselves completely at the end of their tether, should never feel shame in seeking professional help. The following links may be helpful as a starting point:
https://www.familylives.org.uk/#:~:text=If%20you%20need%20to%20talk,free%20on%200808%20800%202222.
https://www.children1st.org.uk/help-for-families/parentline-scotland
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https://enjoyeveryminute.co.uk/2024/05/20/16-tips-for-how-to-cope-with-a-strong-willed-toddler/